really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
