A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
whose parrot is this?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
