Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
