You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
