1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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