Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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