I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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