Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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