oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
