dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
