I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize