I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
