lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
