so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize