did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
