I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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