Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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