I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
