Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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