I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My balls are so social today.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
