Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
