did you get engaged???
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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