nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Randomize
