Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
