I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
