Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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