Kiss
Puke
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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