Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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