I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
it's like iHOP with fire
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
