Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I could make wine with my vomit
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
A bitchslap is in order.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
