Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
