Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
