are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
