I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize