Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
