The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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