I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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