They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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