spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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