I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize