Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
