Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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