I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
