I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
