News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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