I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize