so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
