When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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