i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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