Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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