Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
