i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
