do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
