i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
