I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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