Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
