The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
