I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
