my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
