Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
did i walk over a car last night?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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