i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Sorry about my life...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
