Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
