Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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