please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
