It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
